Settle: accept or agree to (something that one considers to be less than satisfactory).

Recently, the puzzling question in my mind is why I would ever want to settle for less than what I deserve or less than what I want. I reached a point in my life where I thought to myself, “Is this the kind of life I REALLY want to live? Is this the kind of life I really deserve?”

Now, the question becomes why do people settle? I firmly believe that everyone who is reading this blog deserves a breathtaking life full of passion and excitement. Yes, YOU.

I think that people settle because it’s easier to keep their expectations low to avoid getting hurt or rejected. Because, the truth is rejection sucks. Not just when you are 8 and get picked last for the kickball team, but when you are a grown up and don’t get the job you want or maybe when your 21 and you get broken up with. Rejection continues your entire life, and unfortunately it never gets easier.

I hate to admit it, but I recently found myself as a settler. When I first realized that my life was on a path of boring same old going to work, coming home, doing more work, and not having much of anything else, I knew I needed to make a change. Was I settling? I could not be a settler! I am (or I like to think of myself as an) exciting person. When did I become a settler? I wanted to be a “doer” so to speak. I had learned the hard way that life was too short to sit around wasting it away.

So, why do people settle? I am a poster child for thinking I don’t deserve something great. It’s okay to think that. I mean it’s not because EVERY BODY DESERVES SOMETHING GREAT. Though, I feel like I can say it is normal that a lot of people feel they don’t deserve something “great.” You find yourself making excuses of why it’s okay to settle, or why you deserve what you already have. I, myself, always want everything to work out how I have it planned inside my head. I constantly overlook things, ignore red flags, and make excuses because I want to continue with the plan. Not anymore. When I realized that I do in fact deserve a life that is electrifying, I changed.

None of you should settle for a boy, a girl, a career or a life for that matter.  Will you at one point in your life? Probably. Have I? Yes.  I know it’s hard. It’s really damn hard. You make excuses. You try to justify for a person, for yourself. Don’t lose yourself in trying to settle for something less than you deserve.

If it’s a relationship, tell yourself that you are fucking catch. I’m serious, I know you are laughing but it’s what I tell all of my girlfriends. But, it’s the truth. You are a fucking catch. If you don’t think you can tell yourself that, I WILL. *Sorry if I offended anyone with my f bomb*

If you feel like you are settling in a career and you are unhappy, find a part of it that will make you happy or start looking for something that will make you happy. There was a point in my career where I questioned if what I was doing was the correct path for me. Was I settling? Was I meant to teach? I searched for answers for two months and while I am not certain I will stick with straight teaching forever, I do believe that I found parts of it that have confirmed I meant to work in the field of education. It is okay to question if you are settling.  I can honestly say it helped me fall in love all over again with my career.

Each and every one of you reading this has a beautiful soul and I know that because you got this link because you know me or knows someone who knows me. You are smart. You deserve to be happy. You deserve the best. You deserve to NOT to settle.

There are no pamphlets.

Well, here it goes. The first blog post! I never saw myself as a blogger. I’m still not sure what I am doing here right now. Or what I will blog about? One thing I do know is it will keep me busy this spring. I don’t know how long I will keep it up, so if you like what I have to say (or ramble on about) let me know!

So after my last heart felt post on my caringbridge (if you want to read it, let me know and I can get you the link), I had another thought that came to my mind. When you go to oncology appointments or really any other doctors appointments you can find just about any pamphlet or flyer on any disease or sickness right?  “Pregnant and Breastfeeding: What Women Need to Know.”, “Men: Stay Healthy at Any Age.”, “Irritable Bowl Syndrome: Everything You Need To Know”, “Protect Yourself Against Sexually Transmitted Diseases”. Like, my goodness, there is everything under the sun right? Not to mention most people would not be caught dead reading a majority of those. I invasion some people sneaking an embarrassing brochure into their coat pocket or purse and then bringing it out to do some late night reading. Okay, not really but do people ever read those? I have been to my fair share of doctors appointments and hardly ever see people reading them.

What there isn’t a pamphlet for is how to tell your best friends you have cancer. When you first get diagnosed that is the worst word in your vocabulary. My friends knew I had some weird stuff going on because I was going back and fourth to Kearney a lot but of course everyone thought it was nothing. Why would anyone think that a normal 23 year old (at the time) had that awful word, cancer?

After I had the biopsy, I remember going to dinner with my friends. I took the moment in. Thinking to myself how lucky I was to have them. That no matter what happened or what the results were, they would be there. They would be there to make me laugh when I was weak, to send me text messages of encouragement, and to take me out for lunch when I needed it most. What I didn’t think about was how would I tell them? About two weeks after that I sat in a small, cold boxed room with my doctor that I have known since I was about 7 and heard the words I didn’t want to hear.

I drove home with my mom in absolute shock still not thinking about my friends who have been by my side through heart breaks, late night studying, and some of the best memories of my life. I knew I wanted to tell them in person. As any other person does, I turned to my mom for advice. I was angry that there was no book, no damn pamphlet at the doctors office telling me how to tell my friends that I had cancer. Damn that stupid word! That was all I could think about. Was that word really going to have to come out of my mouth…forever? Was it going to be apart of MY life?

I knew that I would not be able to tell them in person because we were all in different places and  busy beginning our summers. I remember it being like word vomit. Texting was not the way I would recommend anyone going through this to do it, but you have to do what you have to do. I wanted to tell my friends right away because I had to. My friends and I have an ongoing group text, so thats how I did it. I laid on the couch and anxiously waited for replies and worried for them. All I wanted to do was to drive to all them and hug them and tell them that we were all going to be okay. That I was going to be okay. In fact, I did tell them those things. I told them that I would get through this with them. That I loved them.

Because, that is all you can do when you tell people you love you have cancer. That you love them. Tell people everyday that you love them. Tell people every time you see them that you love them. That you appreciate them. Don’t wait for a tragic life event to happen to start doing that. Start now. It’s a hard habit to get into, and sometimes I find myself getting out of that habit. Send someone a text right now and tell them you love them, appreciate them, or thank them for something. It’s so very important and something I have learned on my journey.

So, a few times since that moment my friends and I have joked about how there is no pamphlet or no book. Honestly, there is no wrong or right way either. You tell them how YOU want to tell them. That is why there probably is no pamphlet. If there was a pamphlet would I have read it? NO! I would have probably been more mad. So, I guess there is no easy way.